Foundation for marriage
Here is something I read on Facebook.
Foundation for marriage
by Zach Whitsel
I get frustrated with how sex is portrayed in culture around me. The world acts like good sex exists only at the beginning of a relationship. Watch a chick flick or read a romance novel or listen to a spicy love song and you’ll find that 99% of that material revolves around two people who haven’t known each other very long. Anyone who only met two months ago can have memorable sex. They can also find out later that they hate each other.
First off you have to understand that a culture where nearly half of all marriages don’t last probably doesn’t know as much about passion as they pretend to know. The progression they teach always begins with sexual attraction as if the physical is the foundation that compatibility and loyalty can be built on. That’s backwards, though. Two people truly fall in love because they find their soulmate. The loyalty and the honesty and the self-sacrifice are the real keys to good sex. These things make the sex memorable the night two lovers are married and the nights when they’ve been married for 20 years and no longer look as good as they did when they were young. And that intimacy carries through until they’ve been married 65 years and don’t think about sex much any more.
Because sex isn’t the foundation.
That’s why God said people who aren’t married shouldn’t even have sex. Is it because God doesn’t want us to have fun? No, that’s not it at all. God knows that sex without a foundation clouds judgment and wrecks lives. If you want good sex in your marriage I have some tips for you that you won’t find in any internet clickbait articles…
1. Serve your spouse. Fulfilling needs starts outside the bedroom. Study the person you are married to and figure out what they need. As you two become a team in life, intimacy behind closed doors will be a very natural byproduct.
2. Be honest with each other. This one is so simple, y’all. Nothing makes a person feel more unsafe than dishonesty. When you don’t feel safe, you also aren’t interested in vulnerability. And sex doesn’t happen well between people who are guarded around each other.
3. Keep your mind clear of things that make you unsatisfied. Pornography, romance novels, celebrity crushes, Instagrammers who look like they have perfect lives; any of this junk that makes you sulk back to your reality like a kid at Christmas who never gets what he wants needs to be turned off. You’ll never truly enjoy what you have until you stop obsessing over what you THINK others have.
4. Eat well and exercise. Now you might think you saw this one coming but it’s not what you think. I’m NOT telling you to get in the gym and try to look like someone you’re not. I’m telling you that, biologically, your sex drive depends on hormones that depend on good health. If you’re stressed out and distracted and unhealthy you also aren’t noticing each other in the way God intended.
The greatest gift God ever gave Adam in the garden was Eve. When they lost everything and had to start from scratch in a wilderness they still had each other. If you’ve been lucky enough to find love in this life, don’t let culture tell you that there’s something better out there because there isn’t. There just isn’t. Invest in what you have…